Is your focus within or outside?




Many of us, learned to ignore our inner experience and instead we focus on others in the hopes of having control over them and to feel safe.
We believe falsely that our sense of happiness and safety will come from others liking ,connecting with and approving us. We hope caring and and spending time with them, will make us the centre of focus and hopefully the object of their attention.You take other people’s behaviour personally, automatically assume that a friend’s tension is about you,  are not open minded and available to care about or to focus on yourself.
If your focus is primarily on others feelings and their behaviors, you work hard to control how they feel about you and how they treat you. Truth is, this intense need to care for others is deeply rooted in either a fear of rejection and/or fear of failure. Fear of Rejection is the feeling that, you have to do everything to make this person happy or they might leave or stop caring for you. So you keep doing more and spending more. The fear of Rejection can come from early relationships in which you were rejected by your primary carer or that important person in your life- maybe a parent left or they were emotionally unavailable or inconsistently available, so love was conditional. People who have highly critical parents may develop patterns of focussing outside. To cope with their anxieties, they do everything possible to make sure everybody around them is happy. So they search. They look to others to fill that emptiness and the longing. They yearn for love,touch,appreciation and the need to be satisfied.. And eventually end up settling for less.
Although it may look like you are caring about others when you focus on them, the underlying intent is usually manipulation to get what you want from them. This type of caring is not about taking care of yourself, again it comes from an empty place within that has a need to be filled. Over time, you are likely to find yourself silently angry at the people in your life because your desire to be kind often turns into passive aggression.

But when you focus within, you take responsibility for yourself rather than wait for others to be responsible for your happiness and safety. You intent on taking care of yourself .Your focus within and you feel compassion for yourself and would not take awkward behaviours personally, neither would you automatically assume that a friend’s tension is about you, you are more lovingly available to yourself and caring for others will come easily, from a full and loving place within. Do you believe your happiness, peace and joy comes from others, are  you swayed more to the outside? to what others say,feel and do? (more…)

Be encouraged!

Be encouraged.

Every failure is one step closer to your success. Instead of giving yourself reasons why you can’t, give reasons why you can.

2 Misconception of Love!

The misconception of Love

Myth 1: “Love at first sight”

Is it romantic love or  Imaginary wishful thinking  with no  real emotion?

Love at first sight can often be misleading; how is it possible that you do not have sufficient knowledge about a person’s characteristics and you fall in love?  Explaining that immediate feeling of love is actually more difficult but many imagine that the first step is nothing more than sexual attraction..

Attraction is one of the most basic building blocks for love.  Some people develop the attraction later after periods of friendship but attraction is what draws you to want to know someone new, it builds up the passionate early days of relationship.

Love at first sight is often, very intense because it is based more on expectations and imagination and at first sight attributes.. the height, the smiles, the looks, the perfume and so on. You feel drawn to the person because you are influenced by something about the person. Leading up to be the basis of sexual desires  So clearly, attractive people are more likely to be the object of love at first sight because  of their outwardly pleasant persona , they do not struggle with the initial likeable obstacle like most do.

How can you really judge a person’s honesty or true character before you even get to know them ?  The myth is, with love at first sight, there is  high value accorded to the individual’s external appearance which is projected onto internal characteristics. This can be seen as misleading and often lead to people  holding distorted emotional beliefs. What ever you believe, most of us still remember the first time you had that “feeling”, that quick glance into that person’s eye that had stayed with you forever!


Love at first sight can be very intense whether it is profound feeling depends on where you are on the sliding scale of idealism and cynicism.

Love at first sight is either a recipe for living happily ever after or eventual disillusionment and leading to heartbreak.




Myth 2.. Does Love conquers all ?

Love is for sure a beautiful thing. We all have our own ideas of what love is, but it’s really never as simple as that. Supposedly, you fall in love. head over heels. Lucky you. everything thing is magically working out.  Love is necessary in order for the relationship to last. While love is very powerful and capable of conquering some things, for some, it’s complicated with unrealistic expectations . Sometimes love isn’t always strong enough to conquer all, sometimes two people just don’t fit, it’s unfortunate, but it’s a fact, love simply cannot conquer incompatibility.

The reason most people are so bored, no enthusiasm and totally jaded is  because they stay in relationships that aren’t working for them for way too long. They try to be what the other person needs and wants, they try to make it work by any means necessary, they try with all their might and wind up broken. exhausted and  defeated.

Frankly, you simply cannot shove a square peg into a round hole. It doesn’t matter how many ways you try, you will never be able to make it fit.

Be real.

You were going to fall in love with the perfect person. Why? they don’t exist . Love is flawed. Good days and bad days. .  Sometimes just accept your reality and Face the truth. Real love helps get past the bad times. Not all love is meant to last but look past the flaws,  people and environments lead us in discovering ourselves and appreciating our values better. Other times the experiences are to teach us that we deserve better and  loving someone does not necessarily guarantee you a happily ever after, more often, real love requires hard work.. you learn how to talk to each other, be supportive, compromise, find solution to problems. You know you are in love when you willing to talk about things and not hold grudges, it is worth it in  the end.

Love should never be consistently painful. You might feel hurt about something but after talking you should feel good again. You can not force love  but heartbreak can open doors to personal growth and this growth can lead to another kind of love, one that can lead to  living happily ever after!

Being calm inside!

Be calm today.

Reflect and appreciate what today has really been about or?? where has today gone !

big question is..! how was your today!

Fun filled? too much drama?? humbling?? how are you today?

Whatever the circumstance, you are in the right place and everything that has happened and still happening today and now, is happening at exactly the right moment !!! It is and was meant to happen just the way it unfolds today.

So stop yearning for something different life.

Ok. agreed you had  design ventures for the future to have started today and it either did or it did not…but quit stealing  more time !

Today, you have either tried or messed up.. so what next??

are you going to try to do  more fun things that brings you joy and happiness?? I remind you..things you love to do.. those things  which are blissful to your heart and you are doing them  your own way in your own pace.

Today, begin to accept things the way there are and if loving your achievement is a big deal, just feel proud of what you have done today.

Soon the anguish and emotional suffering will begin to ease off and you will no longer be held down in the path of resistance.. worrying about the future.. you will live each day and every day knowing that you are living in the here and now ..

a path of least resistance !!

Quite a fulfilling experience..

the balanced me!

I woke up this morning and it is another day.. Be positive I is going to be a great fantastic and effective week. Remembering the affects our thinking has on our lives, whether positive or negative.
I kept thinking..It is not hard to do though.  But why do many rubbish this  way of thinking.. After all positive thinking is a mental and emotional attitude that focuses on the bright side of life and expects positive results 99.9% of the time.. So without pressure, As a positive person, I have to anticipate happiness and success, as way of thinking.. As well as believe I can overcome any obstacle and difficulty today and always. So can You!

The beauty of love..

Love is the mysterious force that binds people to those around them.

love is beautiful. Love has many forms, and each of these forms evolves,  and changing intensity. My own experience with love comes in many forms. I love many people, and many things, all in different ways. It can sometimes be ugly, but it is always beautiful.
I’ve had a fascination with love all my life. Ever since I was a young girl I fantasized about the romantic kind of love. I used to write stories about a woman that I some day hoped to be, and how she would find the perfect man for her, her soulmate, and fall in love with him. They would have the perfect relationship and never fight. I thought that was what love was supposed to be like, and why it was so special to people.
This idea threw me for a long time. When I first began dating, I was dead set on finding that perfect kind of love, and discarded any relationship that began to seem like it wouldn’t live up. Finally, in looking at the relationships of others, I began to find that this form of love didn’t  really exist. That didn’t mean that love didn’t exist, but the love I saw around me was a messier, more complicated version. And I couldn’t find any two forms of love that were identical. Every loving relationship I saw had its own qualities and idiosyncrasies.

But that feeling you get from meeting someone  a stranger and then you realise how beautiful and magical love can be. It is one of the most exciting things that you can experience.
It is fascinating to think how you can go your whole life without knowing a person, and then when you meet them they just fit into your life and you can’t imagine how you were ever living without them. It is impossible to know where love comes from, or why, but it comes into your life and you make room for it. You are happy to accommodate it because of all the joy it brings you.

So I find the purest form of love, unconditional love, is the most beautiful. Most parents love unconditionally. It is a love so deep and unchanging, something that exists no matter what else happens in the world.
Love can have varying levels of intensity. However, loving others is one of the best ways to becoming a better person. The love you feel  for others arouses your curiosity and makes you interested in learning more about them, and as a result, you do everything you can to take care of them, this often means sacrificing the things that make you happiest.

To be more giving and selfless is an incredibly beautiful thing – it is called Love!